the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
