am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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