I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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