Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
