Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
