I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
