I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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