we're chasing vodka with high fives
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize