she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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