you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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