No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
