he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
