Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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