I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
