I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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