6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
