this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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