How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
