New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The Olympian is in my bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
