Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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