No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
