he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize