i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize