Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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