happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
