And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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