oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
