He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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