You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
