phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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