Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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