Where did you get a picture of my penis
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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