i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
