I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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