The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
