I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
