Can i not drive my cunt home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
