Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
