You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
