I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
