apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
