Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
