I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
