sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
