Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
