I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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