craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
