i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
