Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
