I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
