I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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