..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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