Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
