you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
