I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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