Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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