Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
