just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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