What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
