we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize