all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
