Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
