So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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