So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
