seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
