My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
