I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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