When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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