new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
