I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
