I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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