You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
