someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize