honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
