Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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