Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
