Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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